Today was a little sad at work because today was the day that they buried an ex-coworker of mine.
She left in September to move to Trinity with her daughters (Like 9 and 4, I believe) to her biological mom’s house. She was living with her “adopted” mom, who was basically the nanny to her kids, but she decided to move to Florida, and K (we’ll call my cowoker K) couldn’t afford daycare. So she really had no choice.
Our relationship was extremely rocky from the start, because of some things that happened when she first started (and some of those things are things that I did that I’m not proud of at all), but I pulled her to the side after everything, apologized, and asked if we could start over, and she agreed. After that, it was a little awkward but as time went on, it got better. Eventually she trusted me again (as far as I know) and I trusted her minimally, because later on she started doing things that kinda lost some of my trust (but those things aren’t important.) And eventually, she got really bad as far as her work ethic, her attitude, etc.
She left on relatively bad personal terms with most people at my job…as in, very few people liked her at all. I didn’t like her a lot, but I was cordial with her and was able to maintain a professional demeanor with her.
Anyway, the last time I talked to her was on Thanksgiving. She texted me Happy Thanksgiving, and we messaged back and forth a few times; she told me things were still going a little slow, but that she was trying to get into the police academy up there. And she told me that if I ever went up to visit, she’d take me fishing since I’ve never been (and that was nice of her, I really appreciated that she told me that.) And like I said, that was the last time I ever talked to her.
On Saturday, while I was in Dallas at dinner with my best friend and our families celebrating his graduation from SMU, my manager texted me and told me that she had passed away after running into a semi. I don’t know any of the details as far as whether she was drunk or if she was just being irresponsible, etc. To be honest, I don’t want to know. All I know is that her kids weren’t with her, thank God, but they’re left without their mom. And even though I didn’t really like her that much, I would never wish this situation on my worst enemy. It’s heartbreaking.
And, I’m not proud to say, since she had quit, we had regularly made fun of her at my office. And I participated. Not to the extent that others did, but I did. And for that, I’m really ashamed. So hearing this news completely blindsided me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and for the rest of the weekend, there was a dark cloud over me. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I mean, she’s dead. Gone. All of the problems she had in her life that made it so hard and now she’s not alive anymore. Her daughters will grow up without their mom.
The worst part of it, though, is that when she was working with us, she’d always say “Yeah, I’ll be surprised if I live past 30. It’s a miracle I’m alive now.” And I was a little confused by it, but didn’t take it too seriously because honestly, how could I? She was 30 when she left. Her 31st birthday is next month.
And so today was her funeral. None of us went, because we couldn’t get off of work and honestly, I don’t know if I should have really gone anyway, but just knowing that this all happened has really deflated me. And I know I’m thinking about it too much and that death is a part of life and I need to just accept it, it’s so hard for me to do.
And just. Yeah. I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading if you managed to get through it all.
So my dad’s just sitting in our backyard, on his mac, jamming to rap.
Let it be known that before now, he was the whitest man who ever lived. I mean, he still is, but I think he’s got a little cred now.
I won a cycling time trial tonight. :) Granted, it was only me versus the sun and yeah, there wasn’t a legitimate sponsor, and instead of winning a stuffed lion and bottle of champagne presented to me by two handsome trophy men I won the decreased risk of riding in the dark and getting hit by a car, which would’ve likely resulted in me needing to be scraped off of the road, but hey, I still won the time trial.